truth

let me just get this off my chest... i just find it quite frustrating how some people are just relentlessly self-righteous. they take absolutely no responsibility for their actions and blame everyone else for their unhappiness. that being said, i know the truth... and in all seriousness, i guess i owe this one person in particular a big fucking thank you for being such a person... or else i wouldn't have had an opportunity to be with my girlfriend now... and i am sincerely grateful for that.

now my chest feels a little lighter ;) thanks.

gyno 101

friday morning, 9:45 am, dec 3rd. of course robin and i are running slightly late, but not super late (which is actually a good thing cause i am really nervous). when i check in, i am reminded by the many times before that i have been in this same doctor's office... BUT this time i am with my partner. we are there together. i am clutching onto my "Baby *One*" three ring binder that we so excitedly put together maybe a week or so ago. I start searching through the different pages within the binder looking for the one sheet of paper that my doctor needs to fill out before we can even begin to think of purchasing sperm. finally i find the paper and carefully remove it and make sure its in perfect condition for when i hand it to the doctor.

as we are waiting, i know robin can feel my nerves, and she lovingly calms me down by placing her healing hands on my thighs. she always makes me feel safe and strong, and i lay my head on her shoulder as i often do... she is my love.

the nurse calls my name and robin and i both stand up to follow her to the examination room. right away... i notice the young nurse has some sort of frog stuck in her throat. she keeps nervously trying to clear her throat. our conversation for some reason focuses only on my UGG boots instead of the reason why i am there. she gives me a cup to pee into and a gown to change into and leaves the room. i change into my gown and pee into the cup. and as i sit in the room waiting for the doctor, i think to myself "i am actually going to be a mom some day... this is actually happening..." when the doctor comes in, she is quite rushed. she says that she hasn't seen me in three or so years (yes... although i do love vaginas, the gyno is not my favorite place to visit)... i kind of laugh then tell her that i have been healthy the last few years and now me and my partner want to begin the process of having a baby. the next 15 minutes or so are quite a blur... i am not saying that i was ridiculed or harassed by either the doctor or the nurse, but it became clear very quickly that this was something that made my doctor extremely uncomfortable. i wanted so bad for this to be a happy experience for robin and i, and i wanted the doctor to be excited for us too. in my mind, this was something to be celebrating. but instead, it felt like my doctor wanted us out of the examination room as soon as possible... almost like the sooner we were gone, the sooner she could go back to her daily life of not dealing with lesbian moms to be. i felt like we were a bother to her... and that every question i had was a waste of her time. by the end of the appointment, i could not have gotten out of the office faster. i know robin felt the same way... although we didn't discuss it until we were safe in our car.

so please... if you know of a gyno who doesn't seem to be totally freaked out by two young lesbians who have an incredible amount of love for one another and want to start a family together, i would appreciate your recommendation.

love,k